Welcome to the Mayer household. Wait. How much do you weigh?

Dear Diary,

My family holds the community reputation as the classic 'Health Nut' family. The nonsense began  when both my parents ventured into their first, of many, diets: Atkins. I believe I was in the third grade, so 'dieting' was a novel concept to me. "Wait soo..you can't eat chocolate cake topped with sprinkles, frosting, and caramel" I asked. My parents began meticulously reading the ingredients and counting the calories to every piece of labeled food. Though, when my parents did not see any progress from Atkins they moved to some other diet. On my way to school, I would ask my mom "How's your diet coming along" she would retort "This is not a diet. It's a new way of life". Needless to say, I would find her the following week reading a different book, pursuing a 'new way of life' for her... um fifth time? Nice work mom.

This Calophobia (Calorie + Phobia. Clever Andrew!) was a disease, and it was damn contagious. My sister became the next victim to the wrath of health-consciousness. She gradually eliminated Carbs from her meals. That meant no more eating the raw batter mom used to make while baking chocolate chip sticks, or Papa's (Grandfather) classic, amazingly yummy, breath-takingly delicious Matzah Brie with jelly. My sister did not adhere to any of those ridiculous books which promise results; she set her own guidelines, and obeyed those guideline like a slave obeys her/his master. She resisted the temptations multiple times, fighting the Licorice, the Kit Kats, and the Coffee ice cream to ultimately see results in her efforts. For that I give you my accolades. Koodos!

Grr. Can you guess who was next?? yep the Calophobia was infringing on sweet lil' old me. My family was on our annual vacation to Miami, and I was having a blast. Tanning by the sun, reading a book..What can be better? Well I go into the pool and apparently that requires me to take off my shirt. I suppose I was embarrassed since I had a little chub chub on the belly, but I was not going to let THAT discourage me. I took off my shirt and did a cannonball into the pool. When I walked out of the pool and grabed a towel, my father says to me "Andrew, you should really consider losing some weight." I was stupefied.  I looked down at my stomach and asked "Was my splash from the cannonball too big?". Needless to say, I did not swim for the rest of the vacation. Thanks dad. Booohooo

Thus begun my tenure with a diet. Similar to my sisters, it was a gradual process with no guidance from books. I first shifted from the calorie-filled regular soda to the cancer-filled diet soda. I surprisingly lost a lot of weight from that alone. Then I shifted my focus to eating habits and began cutting out those junk foods. Yes, I had to say goodbye to those beloved Matzah Bries, and in lieu of my favorite Oreos and milk, I ate cardboard...I mean Kashi. whoops.

So where does Sammy fit in the diet? He doesn't. (Pun Intended! Get it? 'fit'). Well he is only eight years, and he already knows the difference between rye bread and white bread. He can tell you what foods are healthy and what one should/shouldn't be eating. He has made 'attempts' at a diet, yet he seemingly has a cheat day every day, every meal. "Good!" I say. He should not be health conscious at age eight. He has a little chub chub on the stomach, but that is perfectly alright. He is comfortable, and he should remain that way.

Despite my families reputation as the community 'health-nut', we are also notoriously known for having the best snacks in our pantry. Mothers get frustrated when Sammy's friends come home from a play date with gushers in one hand and a bag of M&M's in the other. Hypocrisy! 

There is a lot more I wanted to capture in this blog. so I will probably revisit the subject.  I believe I did my quota of four blogs a month! So cya in April! W00T! In the meantime, watch what you eat! Unless your Sammy. then continue what your doing cutie.