Idealism vs Realism

Dear Diary,

Scenario 1 : Oh! I should be optimistic! I will for sure get a 2400 on the SAT :-)

Scenario 2:  Measuring the level of difficulty of the SAT along with a few practice tests, I can predict my score at about 1900

Note the jolly impression from the first scenario and the rationale impression of the second. 

I do not want to discuss which perspective is better since both have their advantages and negatives; however, I do want to discuss my conversation I had today. I also do not wish to use this as a platform to disperse my ideas among my nonexistent audience.

A friend and I were talking about some weird provocative concept that I have no recollection of, and he said "girls should not have to live in fear". Well um duh I though to myself. They 'should not have to', but unfortunately in modern society they HAVE TO--almost asinine to not. The reason why many girls choose not to walk down the streets of Harlem at 2:00 A.M. is out of fear from the stories they hear on the news--a very smart choice indeed. This fear is the power precluding people from a potential misfortune.

This rebuttal had my friend respond with the idea of a Utopian Society. He said that we, as a people, should try and eliminate those that causes fear and strive to create a perfect society where one does not live in fear. 

This sequence of events portrayed my friend as a complete idealist. He hopes for the best of our society; I, too hope for the best, but with more of a realistic approach. A realistic mentality is not better than idealistic an idealistic one--they are different. As I mentioned, they each have their respective qualities some good some bad.

If I were to label myself I would probably categorize myself as a realist. Although I despise labels, I usually think things through rationally before ensuing and taking action. I know I am not getting a 2400 on the SAT when I am getting a 2100 on practice tests; I know things are not always going to work in my favor in life, but I do know I will not let those gaps indefinitely stop me. I suppose that idea in itself is idealistic. Well a coalition of two great approaches is plausible too! As I said, I do not like labels; they leave no room for middle ground--balance. 

Elitist

Dear Diary,

I hate this part about myself. It is not my fault; I cannot change it. Unfortunately, I am an elitist. I view everything as a competition, and I am always striving to do better. Teachers and parents always encourage a student/child to his/her best; however, I am always pushing myself to eclipse my best. I am not trying to be the best I can do; I am trying to be better than everyone else. I feel unsatisfied with a 95 on a test when someone in my class has a 97. I despise my SAT score since my best friend's score is significantly higher. It is hard for me to feel happy for a friend when he/she performs better than I do on a test.

People accuse me of being arrogant and selfish, and in some respects I agree. Though, I am trying very hard to repair that elitist nature. Some people will applaud my personality to strive to be the best, but I look it at disdain. This trait only promotes a feeling of depression. I torment myself for not being the best, and it hurts. 

I must say, I was not always this way. I was not always competitive with academia, and I know the source of this trait. In my Junior year of high school, my guidance counselor recommended me to join an online forum 'College Confidential'. She claimed this website is a great supplement to the SAT. She was indeed correct. My score increased dramatically. Though, the increase was accompanied by the contagious nature on the College Confidential Board: Elitism. The website is predominantly students from the top of their school with SAT Scores above 2300's. A 2200 is deemed a decent score, and if you have below a 2100 you would be a minority.

Most people on the forum are not arrogant:  the website attracts a very eclectic group of students. Most people will answer your questions; though, collectively it is hard to be apart of a forum that is dominated by top SAT scorers. I always feel embarrassed to post my SAT score on the boards since it does not match the majority. I should be proud of my score! It is a fantastic score! But it is so daunting to be apart of a community that is so different than you. 

My experience on College Confidential has galvanized an elitist persona in me. I definitely do better in school following my tenure on the website; however, is it worth it? Is it worth getting in a bad mood when one does better than you? 

I hate admitting this part about myself. I try so hard to be happy for others. so so so hard!

Well that is one piece of myself that I try to fix. I hate coming off as pretentious, and everyday I think about it. I am not a mean person. I SWEAR! I think this aspect of someone  is independent from how kind one can be.

Be well fellerrss =]